If Knowledge is Power, I’m Sauron

Sara has instilled infinite wisdom upon me and created an unstoppable writing force. As we all know, the pen is mightier than the sword. By extension, I am more powerful than ever! So, where do I go from here? I’m glad you (didn’t) ask! There are myriad ways to apply my new and improved writing skills. A couple real world examples from my life are: bathroom stall graffiti and strongly-worded letters.1278u8

Bathroom stall graffiti is an art, but not all art is created equally. Some poets have left masterpieces in the 3rd floor washrooms of MC; others have merely stated their presence by telling me “Steve was here”. Steve, I don’t care which washrooms you’ve used. Steve fails to understand the triangle of rhetoric. AUDIENCE. PURPOSE. CONTEXT. The audience is anyone who would sit upon the ivory throne (possibly for extended periods to truly appreciate the poetry). The purpose is up to the writer; I personally aspire to make people chuckle. The context is the scenario in which our reader finds themselves. Chances are that the reader has forgotten their phone at home and needs something to amuse themselves. This presents an interesting opportunity, the chance to write wordy poetry; the more bored they are, the more they’ll read. Keep all this in mind for next time Steve!

bathroom-stall-poetry-plato-dont-be-dick

Sometimes we must deal with the Steves of the world. Sometimes we want to tell Steve how frustrated we are. For heck’s sake Steve, how do you not know about the triangle of rhetoric? We need to inform Steve just how misguided his attempts at poetry are. What better way to do that than a strongly worded letter? None. There are no better ways. We are presenting an argument to Steve to curtail his poor writing habits; the core of any argument is the appeals. First, we must make an appeal to credibility (ethos) and convince Steve that we can teach him about writing. The letter you craft should suffice if you are indeed as good a writer as I. Secondly, we must appeal to reason (logos) through rigorous logic. The plethora of evidence supporting the effectiveness of writing skills should be very convincing. Last, but certainly not least, we appeal to emotion (pathos). Don’t be afraid to make some low blows to drive the point home. I recommend phrases such as: “your girlfriend will leave you for a more skilled writer”, “no one loves an incompetent writer”, or my personal favourite, “your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries”. Although the last one didn’t exactly help the argument, it certainly upset Steve.

With these tools at my disposal, I can conquer the world, one bathroom stall at a time.

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